Hey, Beautiful: Perinatal transitional coach advocates for maternal mental health

May 14—This column is about taking care of ourselves inside and out, and that includes our mental health. On a day we celebrate moms and mother figures, it's so important to talk about maternal mental health.

Mothers have very specific mental health needs, because they go through very specific physical, hormonal and social changes. All can increase the likelihood of depression and anxiety, according to the World Health Organization, and while traditional services can help, they may not be getting to the root of the specific anxieties and pressures moms are facing.

That's where Dr. Nicole Kumi comes in.

Kumi, a Scranton native now living in the Washington, D.C. area, is a perinatal transitional coach and an advocate for maternal mental health and wellness. The mom, wife, author and podcast host started Kumi Training & Development to help mothers through all phases of their journey. This includes pregnancy to post-delivery, by offering coaching and support through those transitional times. Kumi understands the importance of these services because she's lived it.

After she became a mom to her daughter in 2018, she began to experience symptoms indicative of PMADs, or perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. As a behavioral health professional herself, she knew what was happening and the steps she needed to take, but still did not do what was necessary. She also had never heard of any other mothers she knew personally who had gone through what she was, which felt even more isolating and shameful.

"It was kind of a gut punch, because here I was on the other end, educating people, suggesting that they stand up, use their voice. ... And I was suffering in silence myself because I didn't really know what was happening," she said.

After a postpartum depression diagnosis, Kumi eventually "climbed her way out of the darkness" through working out, self-care and other therapies like journaling, and wished she had done it sooner. Then, after giving birth to her son in 2020, it happened again. Looking to get help sooner this time, she could not believe the lack of resources for her specific situation. She sought to fill that gap.

Kumi T&D places the focus on the mom and what she needs to be the best parent she can be to her new child, offering everything from identifying the early signs of PMADs to support and resources for her to use if she needs help. It's also about educating mom while she's still well so she can recognize the symptoms early on. She noted that while many people might have large families to help or a group of friends to lean on, others may not. Factors like location and socioeconomic status also may be barriers for moms to get the help they need. There's also a huge stigma associated with PMADs and many women are afraid to seek help because of the judgment that can come with it.

Women who speak out are sometimes met with invalidating responses, like "Mothers have done this for centuries, get over it," or "Back when I raised my kids, things were twice as hard." There are also people who will tell moms to "stop complaining," as many women wish they could be mothers but can't. Motherhood is difficult and isolating enough without tearing each other down, she said, and every mom's experience is specific to her. That's why she strives to cultivate a judgment-free space for moms to share their experiences and get the support they need, including through her Instagram account (@nicole_kumi).

She also talks about the importance of self-care in motherhood. While Kumi herself was in the throes of PMADs, even little things like showering every day, applying a full face of makeup and then doing a simple skin care routine at night felt cathartic to her. It came with a sacrifice as she had to get up earlier to make sure she had time to care for her daughter, but structuring these small changes into her routine were things to look forward to that were just for her. Kumi loved being a mom, but this helped her feel connected to "Nicole" again and redefine who she was. That's why Kumi T&D has the "Butterfly Box" program to remind mom she is valued and loved. Each box is filled with self-care goodies and skin and body products to send to new moms (or any mom) for a much-needed pick-me-up.

"It's a nice way to let someone know you're thinking of them and show her that she's not alone," she said.

Kumi fought to become healthy and present, and now she works to help other moms do the same. Her goal is make sure that, 30 years from now, her daughter does not have to go through what she did. Or if she does, she has the tools to pull through and the resources and community to support her.

"That's the full circle. That's really what it is, because you cannot help every single person, but you can absolutely provide education and awareness about what it is," Kumi said.

Gia Mazur merwine is a staff writer for the Lifestyles Department of The Times-Tribune. Contact her at gmazur@timesshamrock.com, 570-348-9127 or @gmazurTT on Twitter.

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